So, I've been thinking about the whole grief and crying thing. I tend to think of God as so different from me that he can't truly understand what I'm going through. I mean, He's spirit, He's perfect, righteous and holy. But, my dear friend, Jenny, is such a wise woman. She reminded me that Jesus wept when Lazarus died. He even knew that He would raise him up again later. But, He still cried. Wept. It's encouraging to me to remember that Jesus has feelings and is emotional, much like me. He knows just what it's like to lose a good friend to death, even if that friend is going Home.
I loved Heidi. I admired and respected her. I spent relatively little time with her, and yet my life was so powerfully touched by her (as only she could do) that I feel a huge loss at her death. I have spent some time just reading the Bible and talking to God and I get a huge peace from Him. In fact, it surpasses all understanding. One minute, I'm arguing with Him that this can't be His perfect timing and it could have been less painful. The next, I give up on trying to explain it away and give in to the comfort that He has it all in control. That is what gives me the ultimate peace.