After getting married, I began the seemingly unending journey of questions. They are all the same question, really, but I hear it in many forms. When I feel sick: "Are you pregnant?" When I just really need some chocolate: "Are you having cravings?" When I'm really emotional: "Are you sure you're not pregnant?" Last night, I even got, "You're so motherly, are you having kids soon?" or something like that. Well, world, here is my answer.

No. I am not currrently with child. I am on birthcontrol and thus do not foresee a child in our near future. However, the world seems to be telling me that I should. And God seems to be chuckling to Himself. Everywhere I go there are babies and people talking about parenting. Many of my girlfriends know that I have an overwhelming desire to be a mother. My own mom can tell you that when I was about 8 or 10 I started begging her to let me babysit. I took care of the babies at church and I was always captivated when I saw little ones. That hasn't changed. If anything, it has intensified. It may seem old fashioned and silly, but I genuinely think that one of the biggest reasons God put me here on earth was to be a mother. I want to bring people into the world and raise them up to glorify God and, in turn, bear more God-lovers. I feel that this is a very personal thing. It's not just something that God told everyone to do ('be fruitful and multiply'), but something that He put in my own heart as a strong desire. These are the things that I feel and what I feel is not changed or altered by what I know.

I know that having a baby right now would be hard. It would bring financial strain, emotion stress and physical pain. It would reduce time with my husband by a significant amount and my classes would undoubtedly suffer. Not to mention the freedom that would be lost. If I had a baby now, I wouldn't be able to go on the road trip with my girlfriends that we are planning. I would never be able to just pick up and leave with Ben on some camping trip or even day trip to Prescott. My whole life would be different. These things I know. And so, we are waiting. However, what I feel has not changed, and so I would be eternally grateful if everyone would just stop asking if I'm pregnant, becuase it rips my heart a little more every time I realize how much longer I have to wait. Thank you.